By Patrick Cohn, Ph.D. and Lisa Cohn 


Why do athletes sabotage their own success?

You might assume this problem relates to a "fear of success." Fear of success does cause athletes to self-destruct. But fear of success is very rare compared to fear of failure.

Both of these fears cause athletes to "get in their own way"--experiencing fear, anxiety, tension and worry about scoring and achieving results. However, these fears come from different sources.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Athletes develop a fear of failure when they worry about not getting what they want and have worked hard to obtain, such as winning a championship.

They develop fear of success when they worry too much about what comes with being successful in their sport. Most athletes experience fear of failure and not fear of success.

Fear of failure manifests in many ways in sports. Athletes who are anxious or tense when competing are often afraid to fail or mess up. Fear of failure can also cause your athletes to try too hard, which leads to "getting in their own way" mentally.

Diagnosing Fear of FailureIt's not enough to know that athletes experience a fear of failure. What's more important is to know what types of fears hold athletes back.

As you can see from the list below, fear of failure often relates to what athletes assume they think others think about them (or social approval).

Signs of fear of failure:

• Fear of losing a match, game or race. Kids badly want to win and are afraid they won't succeed.
  
• Fear of negative social evaluation. Athletes fear others will view them as a failure in sports.
  
• Fear of embarrassment. They're afraid to embarrass themselves in front of others if they don't perform well.
  
• Fear of letting others down. They do not want to let others down-- coaches, parents or teammates.
  
• Fear of putting in the effort and not ever getting the "payoff" or not playing to their potential. They don't want their hard work, talent and long
• practices to result in nothing (e.g. wins, trophies, etc.).
  
• Fear of not performing up to others' expectations. Young athletes worry about not meeting others' expectations. 
  
• Fear of being rejected, losing respect, or not gaining approval.
  
• Fear of making mistakes and not performing perfectly after having worked so hard.

Helping Athletes Overcome Fear of Failure

1. To help kids with fear of failure, it's best to understand the specific fear and address it head on. Take fear of embarrassment, for example. If your athletes have this form of fear they worry too much about what others think about them. They need to play for themselves instead of being concerned about what others think.
2. Help kids focus on success instead of worrying about failing. Many athletes with fear of failure focus on all the wrong things. They think more about not making mistakes than completing the pitch or gymnastics routine. These athletes need to set small goals that help them focus more on success. One option: kids should see a good result in their minds before they execute it.
3. Athletes with fear of failure need to learn how to perform efficiently instead of perfectly. The idea here is that your athletes DO NOT have to be perfect to perform their best. They often want to over control their performance (due to their worries about making mistakes). They need to understand that mistakes are a natural part of sports. The goal is for your athletes to trust in their skills so they can play more freely and feel less tight or controlling.

Award-winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, "Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes."

             http://www.active.com/mindandbody/articles/How-to-Conquer-Fear-of-Failure.htm?cmp=17-7-323

By Mike Howard on Sep 17, 2010


All the traps and pitfalls in life, self esteem is the deadliest and hardest to overcome. For it is a pit designed and dug by our own hands, summed up in the phrase: It is no use, I cannot do it ~ Maxwell Maltz

According to some psychologists, self-esteem is the center of it all - THE most prominent factor when it comes to success in any health pursuit.

In any case, a struggle with self-esteem may be the sticking point you need to get past in order to succeed in your health goals. So, here are 10 ways to flex your self-esteem muscles.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others: This can be detrimental to your self-image and only serves to de-value who you are as an individual - a unique and wonderful individual.
2. Always accept and appreciate compliments: Try not to downplay or reject compliments from others. The ability to receive is a hallmark of self-efficacy.
3. Accept VALID criticism from those you trust: This may sound counterintuitive, as criticism can be the source of self-esteem issues, however feedback from those who are close to you should be accepted and appreciated just as compliments should.
4. Make a list of a) Your good qualities (kind, thoughtful, organized, etc.) b) Your hobbies (knitting, scrapbooking, decorating, etc). c) Things you are good at (car maintenance, scrabble, Sudoku, etc). This exercise will help re-enforce your qualities and aptitudes, which will in turn infuse some confidence.
5. Avoid making your problems the centerpiece of your conversation:Talk positively about your life and what you are working towards. Try and be aware of negative self-talk, take notice of how often you complain.
6. Set achievable goals: Write them down and take small steps towards achieving them. Celebrate and reward your successes along the way (not with food, though).
7. Use positive affirmations and tools: Ingraining positive thoughts often means repeating them often. Write them down and put them somewhere where you'll see them. Say things such as; "I am loved", "I am positive, motivated and liked", "Today is a great day to be alive", etc.
8. Help others: Volunteering your time to help others in some way just plain feels good. Use these feelings as a motivator for your other actions in life.
9. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people: Misery loves company and negativity begets negativity. Find circles of friends who love to laugh, keep things positive and are generally pleasant to be around. Peer groups are important for adults just as they are for children and teens.
10. Take responsibility: While negative self-esteem can be very limiting at times, taking a "woe is me" approach will only serve to keep you in the spiral of negativity and inaction. You and only you can choose to take action to better yourself, so commit to it, and take the necessary steps to reach your goals.

Do you have any tips for building self-esteem? How do you stay confident? If you feel you lack self-esteem, what do you think is holding you back?

Important note: Negative self-esteem may be a symptom of depression or other psychological disorders. Seek appropriate help if needed.

Image Credit: schadenfreude

                                                http://www.diet-blog.com10/building_self-esteem_to_conquer_your_goals.php